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Monday, March 11, 2013

Stormy weather

Well, I guess I am not fully unstuck when it comes to posting here.  My intentions are strong.  My brain is full of things I want to say.  My desire to use this as a means to raise awareness and funds to help find a cure and better treatments for cancer has not become any less.  I just can't get things to come out quite how I want.


I can (and often do )blame the seasons as I make no secret of the fact that my winter is not my favorite time of year.  I like a (single) good snowstorm for some sledding and snowman building, but then I’d be happy to see the low temperatures and surrounding snow disappear.  It's dark at 4 pm and I anxiously look forward to longer days and the sun shining a little higher in the sky.

We got hit with one pretty big storm in January, and it took about a month for the snow to finally melt enough to see the grass and be able to safely walk/run on the sidewalk and streets.  Last year, we had only 9 inches of snow all winter and this year, we are at 55 inches.  A significant change, for sure.  Last week, we could safely take a walk around the block again as the sidewalks were clear and the snow was no more.  The calendar turned to March  which as the local weather-people gladly explain is the end to the meteorological winter, and we all start looking towards brighter spring days.  And then boom, another storm.  Unexpected.  Tougher than anticipated.  And we pedal back away from spring and right smack into the dead of winter again.

Aside from (and in addition to) the gloomy weather, this time of year is difficult, filled with remembrance and a great deal of loss.  We work to get through one tough day and get our feet back under us when another difficult day is again upon us...like we are stuck in a bad weather pattern when the jet stream keeps pushing storms through.
February 7.  2 years since Mary died.  There is a picture of Mary laughing on her 35th birthday just 3 months before that is so full of hope and happiness.  She had been through so much the prior 6 months and was making plans beyond just “tomorrow.”  

February 25.  5 years have passed since Molly died, which all at once feel like an instant and a lifetime.  There is much sadder and deeper loss that has extended from that day that comes barreling down. 
Then March 10.  John’s 36th birthday.  He was a just a kid when diagnosed, and in the grand scheme of things, a kid when stupid cancer robbed him of this birthday and others.



And in another 2 weeks and it will be March 24, and Molly’s 42nd birthday.  And a few weeks after that it will then be May 16 when we’ll sadly remember 4 years prior when John passed away. Some of these days it's hard to catch your breath.  If you stop and think too much...or look at their pictures too closely or too deeply....it's a blizzard of emotion.  As with the long winter, we hunker down and surround ourselves with comfort....good friends, happy memories, maybe a little ice cream....and we ride it out and wait for brighter days.

I think of Molly, Mary and John every day, multiple times over the course of the day, sometimes with tears, others with a smile and a laugh. But these "remembering" day, they just weigh heavier like the late winter snow.

Be Good.  Be Strong.

Please visit www.runDFMC.org/2013/jennies to make a gift to the Dana-Farber Marathon Challenge in memory of Molly, Mary, and John or someone you love that has been diagnosed with cancer.  100% of your gift will be placed in the hands of amazing researchers at one of the top cancer institutes in our country.  Any amount is helpful, and all support is appreciated.

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